26 Mar

I dont feel special on my special day 💔



25 Jan

Havent updated my blog lately.
So here’s the updates.
I have a nephew now! He’s such a cutie. He has this cheek that makes you wanna eat that cheek and big brown eyes which makes his look even cuter! By the way his name is Rafa


And then i got engaged!
Yes, he is the good guy i’ve told you before. I know he was the right one for me because he is everything i need and i want. And he loves me like crazy. Seriously. :p
plus my parents like him so much.

It was new year’s eve. We do bbq night in his house in Bandung with his family. I was sick. I got diarrhea and fever the night before. And he got fever that day too. So we both got sick. And minutes before the changing year. He took me to the front terrace to see fireworks. Just the two of us. And then its new year already. He didnt sit with me in the beginning he just stood still in front of me while accompanying me watching. Then he suddenly kneeled down before me and asked “that” question. I always wanted to start my family with this person. So i said yes. 😉


found you!

25 Jan


Dear Future Husband,
I won’t ask where you are or what you’ve been doing, because your answer would be the same as mine. Preparing. Preparing your experiences, your stories, your quirks and flaws, to fall neatly in place with mine to make something beautiful. 

Dear Future Husband,

I see you. Nameless, faceless yet, but I see you everywhere. At a beautiful sight or in funny coincidences, as I pull out my phone and can’t think if someone to share it with, I see you. In moments of grief and tribulation, I hear your voice. I smell you like comfort, and taste you like desire. Isn’t it odd, how familiar I am with your effect on me, while not knowing your name? But it’s okay. You’re hard to find because you’re one in a million and I wouldn’t expect or want any less of a challenge. But I hope you are just as excited to introduce yourself to me.

Dear Future Husband,
I’ll be waiting for you. Not waiting, in the sense that I’ll be marking dates off my calendar, or keeping my arms wide open in case you decide to come running into them. But waiting, in the sense that the idea of ‘us’ will always be present in the back of my mind. Waiting, in the way that we don’t necessarily expect it to, but know it’s possible that the rain will stop, that pain will stop. Waiting, because I choose to believe in ‘when’s over ‘if’s, when talking about an ‘us’. Waiting, because ‘when’ you tell me “I’m ready,” I won’t say “Me, too.” I’ll be waiting, waiting to tell you “Welcome, finally, I’ve missed you very much.”

Dear Future Husband,

I have been bruised, burned, abused. I have been told I am worthless and weak, and have felt hands on my face that were far less than gentle. I share this with you for two reasons: one, as an advance apology if I am unintentionally clumsy with your love. I have been shot with bullets of hate and contempt while being told “this is love,” so if I still flinch when you reach to graze the hair out of my face- it’s not you, it’s the gunshot residue. Two. I know you’ve been hurt before, too. I pray not in the way or amount that I’ve been, but a simple and inevitable fact of life and love is this- shit happens, people hurt. But when you share with me stories of the women who thought they could rent my title for a short while, I will hold my bitter, jealous tongue. And instead, I will thank them. I will be grateful for the ways you’ve learned NOT to love, and be loved. The same way, I hope that you can appreciate the men in my past for allowing me to appreciate you to the fullest. Everything they weren’t, everything I deserve. But above all, I hope you do with our past the best thing anyone can do with it- keep it there.

Notice now neither of those two reasons mention healing me. This is because, if I was ready to meet you, I would have already healed myself. I’m not asking for your arms to rip your shirt open to reveal a giant “S” on your chest, but for them to wrap around me with a whisper, “I’m here now.”

But right now, you are not here. You are there, wherever “there” is. But wherever, whatever, whomever, I hope that our “when”ever is not too far, because, my dear future husband,

I’m dying to meet you.

Good person

16 Aug

Be good to people. it doesnt matter if they’re bad or good.

I feel bad for doing bad thing to good people who has been good to me. I am bad. ;( im terribly sorry

Love is you

5 Aug

Love is when i think of my future and all i think is you
Love is when i feel moved and loved the first time you touch my hair
Love is when i feel happy and looking forward to meet you
Love is how i feel very comfortable near you
Love is when all i see is darkness if you ever leave
Love is how i wanna make you feel okay all the time
Love is how i feel loved and love at the same time
Love is when i took my annual leave for you.
Love is choosing you
Love is worrying
Im worried about you if you ever feel not okay
Love is how i feel sad when you feel sad. Literally.
Love is giving you space and time as much as you need
Love is when i would do anything to see you smile at me again
Love is when i feel super bad hurting your arm.
Love is that feeling. That warmth, joyful, wanting, comfortable feeling each time i see you.

Love is you, Ismail Faidz


She was beautiful

2 Jul


Meet my boyfriend

30 Jun

Such a good quality man i have here with me. Such a true gentleman, good hearted, kind, generous, willing to do anything for me, religious, full of affection, have manner and ethics, supportive, can’t write enough of all his good personalities for there are too many to be mentioned in this short post.

Simple things, simple occurences in my daily life always giving me a reason to be thankful to God for having him in my life. 🙂